First, a point that SO needs to be made. Mozilla Firefox has a built-in spell check. Do you know how freaking awesome that is for those of us that are still spelling-challenged? I SUCK at spelling. My laptop does not have Firefox on it. I'm still running IE. (shudder). I could spell check if I wanted to. I don't wanna.
It's late. I'm tired and I've been sick for over a week. I'm staring listlessly at the computer screen. I know I have to get the crew of the Hudson from deep space to their destination planet and that it needs to happen soon.
Here's the thing: The beginning and end of this book have been written, and re-written, for years. It's just the middle chapters, the intervening 4 months of the character's lives, that have had me stumped. *I* know how these characters develop their relationships - acrimonious and otherwise- because they have lived in my head for some 15 odd years. While I would love to be able to pluck them from my crowded brain and plop them on the page (or screen) in front of you, the technology to do so just doesn't exist. I have to make these people come alive for you through words - and words are HARD, y'all.
So I'm stuck. And, while quite literally navel gazing, I've had to admit that part of me is really afraid of how nearly finished this book is. It's SO close. If it does ever get "finished", though, then I will have to face up to some hard truths. I have to put it in front of my husband, my best friend, my family.
I'm really not sure I'm up to disappointing everyone.
It's kind of nice, having folks believe I can do something. I've been dabbling with fan fiction writing. It's easy (stock characters! short plot lines! smut!) and doesn't tax my abilities - or lack there of. I can get instant feedback and it is 99% positive. That's not because my writing is necessarily good, though. People reading fan fiction don't generally take the time to log-in and leave nasty comments about bad writing. There's a LOT of fan fiction out there. If you don't like a particular work, or author, you just go back to the index and find a new sample. So, yes, I've gotten some nice reviews that make me feel glowy. Fat lot of good that does me professionally.
I should probably finish this book. If for no other reason, it allows those I care about to be honest and say "Yeah, you know what? Turns out you kind of suck at this. Maybe find something else to do with your life while you still can?"
The husband thinks it would be funny of me to leave this post incomplete. Marketing majors are cute that way.
Going to try and sleep now. I'll get back to work tomorrow. Maybe.
